it has been awhile

I was lying in bed tonight and decided that I would come on here and see what was going on. I has been 7 months since Daddy has passed away and my world is still shattered. I miss him so much. There are days that it is so hard to breathe. There are days that I would rather pull the comforter over my head and just stay in bed all day with a box of Kleenex. But I know that will not help nothing so I get up and go to work. And I wish that I could say that keeps my mind occupied but it doesn't. I cry alot these days. I have learned that I am alone in this world my hubby, kids and grandkids, a handful of friends. And that will do for me. I would rather have a few then have a pile that is just alone for the ride. And I have learned that the last 45 years of my life has been, I don't want to call it joke, maybe they looked at me as the joke. I really don't know. I do know that I feel alone in this world and that is not a good feeling....peace, love and happiness!!!!!!

a new outlook

i am starting a new blog and it will not be too much about the family and the past...

back in the nursing home

Momma is back in the nursing home. She was put in on while I was on vacation so I think that she went in either on the 10th or the 11th on June. There is nothing that I can do but I'm praying that she will not be there long. This is suppose to be for therphy but who knows. Please keep her in your prayers...to my blogger friends have a great week..peace, love and happiness!!!

I-75 headed North

We are going to the Smokey Mountains with the hubby's family and the grand babies. I know that this might not be time to be out of state, but I truly feel that God is going to protect Momma and that this surgery will not be done at this time. I feel that God has Momma under his protective wings and that he is not going to let nothing happen to her. My prayer is that God will allow to heal before she has open heart surgery. With everything that all of the other doctors are saying that this is not a good time for Momma to have to this surgery. Please pray for my Momma that the right time be done and that if this is not the time for this surgery to take place, then the doctors' stand fast on this decision and not let some family members talk them into doing the surgery. Take care my friends...hope that you have a good week.....peace, love and happiness....

Jacksonville FL

I'm headed to Jacksonville Fl to check on Momma. She was hospitalized Tuesday afternoon with some heart issues and the doctor's decided to move her to Jacksonville FL for her to have open heart surgery. The doctor in FL was prepared to do her surgery yesterday but the doctor in Waycross gave her a high dosage of Plavix and now it is the wait game. I am being told that they are going to have to wait for 3 days until they can do anything. But in the mean time, the doctors done a heart cath on Momma. So, I'm sitting here wondering...are these folks even thinking? And if they are, what are they thinking about? It can't be the safety of an 73 y/o woman with more medical issues than they can being to think about.
I miss Daddy more and more everyday. I know that he is in a better place and that he is not suffering anymore, but that does not stop me from missing him. There are days that I just sit at work in a daze, thinking, "if I only knew how this was going to work out, I would have taken more time off, I would have been there more, all of the "I would have's". I guess that is why we never know when the good Lord is going to call you home. But the one thing that Iknow is ...He loved me and I loved him and that is the most important thing.
I hope everyone has a great weekend and good work week. Peace, love and happiness......

I just don"t understand

I just don't understand...I want to scream, run, cry...I don't think that there is an emotion that I can use at this moment. I miss my Daddy so much! I miss hearing his voice. I miss hearing his laughter, seeing his smile. I miss pulling up in the yard and seeing him sitting on the porch steps with Ms. Hattie. I miss sitting on the porch steps with him. I miss calling him at home and just talking about nothing with him. God above can only know my pain.

Daddy and Noah

This was taken Thanksgiving 09. Noah and Daddy was in the yard and Noah was giving pinestraw to Daddy. If you notice carefully, you will see that they were laying it straight in Daddy's hand. There are so many things that come to my mind about that weekend. Noah loved walking around the yard, following Daddy around to see what Daddy was going to do next. Noah loves his Granddaddy. He misses his Granddaddy so much. I pray that the Lord above will somehow keep the memories of Daddy close to Noah's heart. This is one of my favorite pictures of Daddy and Noah.....I love you and miss you Daddy!!!!!!!

This is all too CRAZY for me

I'm just tired and this is just too much for one mind to handle....

?

I just don't know how I'm going to make it through this?

Daddy...I miss you!!!!!!!!!!

Daddy,
I short note to let you know that I miss you! Today has been so hard. I walked in the house today and your picture was on the refrigerator. Noah walked in behind me and ran up to the picture and said," that's my Granddaddy." I told him "yea that is Granddaddy." Today Noah, me and David went to Uncle Vernon's and Aunt Carolyn's house and we sit there and talked about you and Momma. All I could do was cry. I miss you Daddy...I want to hear you voice again and see your smile. I want to be able to walk in your house and see you sitting at the kitchen table and walk over to you and kiss you on your forehead and tell you that I love you.
I miss so much about you Daddy. There are no words that can describe how much I miss you. My heart aches. I know that you are not in pain and that you are in a better place but that does not make the pain any less. That does not make me miss you any less.
Daddy, please know that I will never stop loving you and I will miss you forever.....and always, I love you Daddy!

A very difficult past 2 weeks

This will be one of the most difficult post that I will ever write. The first man that ever loved me died Sunday morning around 7:30am. I along with my brothers and my husband was with him when he passed away. I am so thankful that he didn't suffer. That being said I must say that I miss my Daddy. I never thought that I would lose him first. I know that I miss him so much that I can hardly catch my breath. I don't know who I will call when I have the questions that only a father can answer.
I have asked my Daddy a million questions (maybe more) in the 45 years that I had him with me. I just don't know what is going to happen at this time and point in my life. I have Momma to take care of. She is sad...very sad and I don't know if the ALZ is going to trigger something or not. She was so said at the funeral and then she spoke at the end of the grave side service and told how much she loved Daddy and how much Daddy loved her. Her memory faded and she forget what she was talking back but she Thanked God for him and all the time that they had together.
I hope that everyone is doing well and as always...take care and Peace, love and happiness....

Can you believe Snow is South GA.?

Yes, we had snow here Friday night and it was so beautiful. Okay, I will admit that we did not get but 2 inches and it lasted over night but I was so happy to see it. I was so amazing. Me and David had dinner reservations with friends and we went. It was so different (that is the only word that I can thnk of) to drive in snow. It was just so nice to see it snow again.
Daddy did not have the seed implants done. He has been so sick lately. In and out of the hospital with the flu. David has been sick and we have been at the doctors' office every week for the past 2 months and he was there today and will have more test done next week. Today is his birthday...and he was at the doctors' office.
Momma is momma. Good day and bad days. I do have a question? When they are going into different stages does their emotions seem to change for the better or the worse. The past few weeks she seems like she is just happier, and she does not seem as depressed as much. Or that is the way that I see her. We have been spending alot of time together. I took her out to dinner the other night and we had to so much fun. Daddy bought her a new car ...a Lexus..so I drove her car. She wanted catfish so we went to a seafood resturant and she eat fish.
I hope that everyone is doing well and staying warm. We have been having alot of rain lately and then the rain turned into snow Friday afternoon. Imagine that ...in South GA. Take care and as always...peace, love and happiness!!!!!

Christmas Time

It is Christmas time and everything is well. We are wanting on Santa to arrive tonight for the grandbabies. Noah and Skylar are so excited and we are excited to see their faces tomorrow when they get here. We are excited that all the grandbabies will be here and my sister and her family will be here with us. Momma and Daddy will not be here. Daddy is still sick and we are going to the Cardologist Thursday the 31st. He is having to get medical clearance for the seed therphy procedure. It has been postponed until we see the cardologist. I am in hopes that this will be re-scheduled in the New Year. Momma is doing as well as can be expected.
I hope that everyone has a wonderful and joyous Christmas with family and friends and that everyone has a Happy New Year. And as always...peace, love and happiness.....

Sorry...under the weather..

I'm sorry that I have not posted sooner. I had surgery on the 15th and I seen the doctor for the post-op visit. He told me that it looked like an A-bomb had exploded inside of my body. I had scar tissue on my stomach, colon (he didn't remove this), intestines and around my belly button. He said that he hopes that this is not a recurring problem for me. I pulled a muscle under my right rib cage and that has been a problem for me for the past two weeks. I have never pulled a muscle and I hope that I never pull another one. I have been in so much pain. I will be out of work for another week, trying to heal from this.
Daddy will be having treatments for his cancer hopefully before Thanksgiving. His urologist is out of the office due to having surgery on his back and he will not be back in for another 3 to 4 weeks. The oncologist that we have chosen to treat Daddy seems to be a great doctor. He answered question after question when we were in the office last week. The plan at this time is ..seed therpy, external radiation 5 times a week for 5 weeks, and hormone therpy. Daddy has lost 6 pounds in 3 weeks and the doctor is hoping that Daddy will put on some weight while we are waiting on the urologist to return to work.
Momma seems to be having some really bad days lately. She is just not in a good mood and she seems to be angry all the time, with everyone. Especially me and Daddy. The only thing that I know to do is just not feed into negative. Is this just a part of this awful disease? There are times that I want to scream, just get in my car and scream but then I realize that I will not accomplish anything but giving myself a headache so ....
I hope that everyone is doing well..and that the weather your way is nice. One day it is hot here and then by the weekend it is cold. Take care and peace, love and happiness.

Daddy has an appointment in Savannah on oct. 19 to see the urologist/oncolgist and to figure out what the game plan is going to be. We don't know what stage it is in or if it has spread. My hubby, niece or nephew will be taking him because I will be having surgery on the 15th. I will be going to the doctor's office and the hospital tomorrow to pre-register. I have been sick for a few days so I have not been to Momma and Daddy's house. Everything is going to be okay. I am more worried about what is going on with Daddy.
For some good news, Momma seems like she is doing well. David said that she in spirits and she is calling wanting some peanuts to boil. My neice went yesterday and get her some out the field and took them to her and she picked them off of the bush. I told Jami that I hoped she took pictures of her while she was doing this task. Jami is going to roast some and boil some for her grandparents.
I hope that everyone is going well. Take care and peace, love and happiness.

I'm okay 2

I know that it has been awhile since I have posted and I apologize.
Momma is not doing well with the ALZ and Parkinson. She has been having some really really bad days. And I am shocked that she remembers me these days. She is regressing to more child like days and not able to control her emotions. She is crying one minute and angry the next. Is this the way that ALZ happens with emotions? Will she continue to go downhill? Sad thing is, I know the answers to these questions and I don't want to face the reality of this disease.
Daddy had the biopsy last Wednesday and we are to go back to Savannah and talk with the doctor tomorrow. Hopefully, we will know that is going on. Daddy said that he is so tired of going back and forth the to doctor is Savannah but that group that he is seeing is the best for this type of problem that he is having.
Last week I got sick and I have been out of work since the 28th of September. I am scheduled to have surgery on October 15th. I am waiting on some bloodwork results. I miss work...and will I be so happy when I can get back to work.
We had Noah for 2 weeks and he is growing up so fast and so handsome. He is learning so much, so fast. We had so much fun with him while was here. He is potty training and I forget how hard is to potty train. I don't remember it being so hard to potty train Brent and Bryan when they were young. He is doing really good just starting out. Bethany and Stephen are doing well. Stephen is having a few issue with his breathing and he will be travleing back to the Atlanta next up week to the see the doctor. Skylar and Dalton are doing well also. These babies are up growing up too fast. Me and David were talking last week when we had Noah and realized that Noah will be in Pre-K next year. Hard to believe but that is the process of life.
Take care and as always..peace, love and happiness......

Another doctor appointment

We are hoping to get in to see the oncoloist and urologist August 3. This has been a roller coaster of a ride with him too. And it is amazing how a family physican will drag their feet when it comes to making a referral. I'm trying really hard not to call them and ask them what is the problem..are they so busy that they can't make this appointment? They have a nurse that does only referrals. So hopefully this will get done this week and we can get into the see the specialist next month.
Nancy, you hit the nail on the head. Just when I thought that I had it figured out what is going on with AD something else happens. Momma seems so depressed this week. And nothing that you say or do helps. She just sits and stares out into space. Saying nothing just looking, no emotions, nothing. Sad as it is, knowing that there is nothing that no one can do.
I hope that everyone is having a good week...take care and as always.. peace, love and happiness...

Doctor's appointment

We went to Savannah Friday to the surgeon and he told us that the aneurysm is 4 cm in diameter and that he is not worried about doing surgery at this time. I told him about the family physican telling him that about having prostrast cancer and he said that he needs to take care of the immediately. I am hoping to get him in to the see the Urologist and the Oncologist next week. Daddy is in really good spirits with everything that is going on.
Momma is having a really bad week. She has moments that she just gets in a little world of her own. Sad. All week when I have been there, she has been in a zone and I have to call her 3 or 4 times to get her to answer me. I just don't know anything any more. I thought that she better and in reality, she will not get better. There is no miracle drug for ALZ. I try to remain positive. I try to keep a smile on my face especially when I'm around her. I just hope this is a phase. I wonder sometimes, she is going into another stage with ALZ? It seems like a puzzle and everytime you think that you it completed, then something or someone comes along and takes it apart and you have to start all over again. Does that make sense? It breaks my heart to see her like this. Nothing that I can do but watch and pray that she knows that I am here, no matter what.
Me and David have been trying to finish the porch. It started out to be a weekend project that has turned into a 2 month job. We are hoping to put the top on it tomorrow. David has worked really hard, trying to get it completed. It is 16 x 16 ft. It has been a job!!!
Well, Scoot Noodle is just as sweet as he can be. He is laying here next to me while I am checking e-mail and posting. David calls him our mini horse. He is just as cute as can be. He is so spoiled. And funny thing is, he barks and bays like Lil Bit. He is too funny. And the girls get along with him until they are ready to go to bed and then they want him to leave them along.
I hope that everyone has a great week ...take care and always..peace, love and happiness!!

Ummmmmm....and a new Scoot Noodle

Sorry that it has been so long since my last post. It has just been crazy. Back and forth to the hospital with Daddy every other day. He is still having alot of problems with his lungs and we finally got an appointment with the surgeon in Savannah for the aneurysm in his stomach. We will be traveling there next Friday to see the doctor. And then hopefully we will be seeing the doctor for the prostrate in the next few weeks.
Momma is doing really well. I really don't know how to explain it. The doctor put her on some medicine that just did not agree with her and I had to call and tell him that it just was not going to work. Momma did not even know that she was in the world. Now that she is off of it, she is so much better. And her mind seems so much clearer.
We have Noah and Haley over the holidays and they are both doing great. We went to Atlanta to suprise David's parents for their anniversay. His mother was so suprised and even more suprised when they seen Noah and Haley. They had so much fun at their Mawma's and PawPa's house. Haley is ready to go back. Yes, they spoil them too. Noah is talking so much now. He is just too sweet. Bethany and Stephen are growing up so fast. And Ms. Bethany aka the Princess is so adorable. I will have to post a few pictures of them when I get a chance.
Okay to explain the Scoot Noodle. Scoot is a new puppy. I found him in the middle of US 23 when me and Daddy were headed home from the hospital 2 Sundays' ago. He was walking down the middle of the highway and I was so scared that he was going to get ran over. When I stopped and called him to me, he was whinning and thin. I give him a Milk Bone dog biscuit and I become his NEW best friend. I picked him up and brought him home. David was not too happy that I was bringing home another animal. Keep in mind that we have 7 dogs already. But he was not too mad when I told him where I found him. Now, it is like he has been here all of this life. And he is too cute. He is solid black with a small patch of white on his breast bone. He has long legs and his tails curls. Strange huh? And he got him a new red pawn print collar. The girls were none too happy with this addition to the family but they have grown to tolerate him. And I use the word tolerate, cautionly. Some days they like him, some days they done. He loves to aggravate them when they are trying to sleep but then they will get up and play with him. He is a sweet noddle.
Work is going good. Staying busy.
I will post when we find out what is going on with Daddy next week. I hope that everyone has a great week. Peace, love and happiness....

Happy Father's Day

To my Daddy,
To the first man in my life....Thank you for everything that you have done for me.
You thought me so much in life. How to ride a bike, how to change to oil in my car, to change a flat tire, to fix a busted water pipe, how to stand on my own two feet and make a life for me and the boys. I just wanted to let you know that I love you and I'm proud to call you Daddy...
Once again, I love you!!!!!