it has been awhile

I was lying in bed tonight and decided that I would come on here and see what was going on. I has been 7 months since Daddy has passed away and my world is still shattered. I miss him so much. There are days that it is so hard to breathe. There are days that I would rather pull the comforter over my head and just stay in bed all day with a box of Kleenex. But I know that will not help nothing so I get up and go to work. And I wish that I could say that keeps my mind occupied but it doesn't. I cry alot these days. I have learned that I am alone in this world my hubby, kids and grandkids, a handful of friends. And that will do for me. I would rather have a few then have a pile that is just alone for the ride. And I have learned that the last 45 years of my life has been, I don't want to call it joke, maybe they looked at me as the joke. I really don't know. I do know that I feel alone in this world and that is not a good feeling....peace, love and happiness!!!!!!

a new outlook

i am starting a new blog and it will not be too much about the family and the past...

back in the nursing home

Momma is back in the nursing home. She was put in on while I was on vacation so I think that she went in either on the 10th or the 11th on June. There is nothing that I can do but I'm praying that she will not be there long. This is suppose to be for therphy but who knows. Please keep her in your prayers...to my blogger friends have a great week..peace, love and happiness!!!

I-75 headed North

We are going to the Smokey Mountains with the hubby's family and the grand babies. I know that this might not be time to be out of state, but I truly feel that God is going to protect Momma and that this surgery will not be done at this time. I feel that God has Momma under his protective wings and that he is not going to let nothing happen to her. My prayer is that God will allow to heal before she has open heart surgery. With everything that all of the other doctors are saying that this is not a good time for Momma to have to this surgery. Please pray for my Momma that the right time be done and that if this is not the time for this surgery to take place, then the doctors' stand fast on this decision and not let some family members talk them into doing the surgery. Take care my friends...hope that you have a good week.....peace, love and happiness....

Jacksonville FL

I'm headed to Jacksonville Fl to check on Momma. She was hospitalized Tuesday afternoon with some heart issues and the doctor's decided to move her to Jacksonville FL for her to have open heart surgery. The doctor in FL was prepared to do her surgery yesterday but the doctor in Waycross gave her a high dosage of Plavix and now it is the wait game. I am being told that they are going to have to wait for 3 days until they can do anything. But in the mean time, the doctors done a heart cath on Momma. So, I'm sitting here wondering...are these folks even thinking? And if they are, what are they thinking about? It can't be the safety of an 73 y/o woman with more medical issues than they can being to think about.
I miss Daddy more and more everyday. I know that he is in a better place and that he is not suffering anymore, but that does not stop me from missing him. There are days that I just sit at work in a daze, thinking, "if I only knew how this was going to work out, I would have taken more time off, I would have been there more, all of the "I would have's". I guess that is why we never know when the good Lord is going to call you home. But the one thing that Iknow is ...He loved me and I loved him and that is the most important thing.
I hope everyone has a great weekend and good work week. Peace, love and happiness......

I just don"t understand

I just don't understand...I want to scream, run, cry...I don't think that there is an emotion that I can use at this moment. I miss my Daddy so much! I miss hearing his voice. I miss hearing his laughter, seeing his smile. I miss pulling up in the yard and seeing him sitting on the porch steps with Ms. Hattie. I miss sitting on the porch steps with him. I miss calling him at home and just talking about nothing with him. God above can only know my pain.

Daddy and Noah

This was taken Thanksgiving 09. Noah and Daddy was in the yard and Noah was giving pinestraw to Daddy. If you notice carefully, you will see that they were laying it straight in Daddy's hand. There are so many things that come to my mind about that weekend. Noah loved walking around the yard, following Daddy around to see what Daddy was going to do next. Noah loves his Granddaddy. He misses his Granddaddy so much. I pray that the Lord above will somehow keep the memories of Daddy close to Noah's heart. This is one of my favorite pictures of Daddy and Noah.....I love you and miss you Daddy!!!!!!!

This is all too CRAZY for me

I'm just tired and this is just too much for one mind to handle....

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I just don't know how I'm going to make it through this?

Daddy...I miss you!!!!!!!!!!

Daddy,
I short note to let you know that I miss you! Today has been so hard. I walked in the house today and your picture was on the refrigerator. Noah walked in behind me and ran up to the picture and said," that's my Granddaddy." I told him "yea that is Granddaddy." Today Noah, me and David went to Uncle Vernon's and Aunt Carolyn's house and we sit there and talked about you and Momma. All I could do was cry. I miss you Daddy...I want to hear you voice again and see your smile. I want to be able to walk in your house and see you sitting at the kitchen table and walk over to you and kiss you on your forehead and tell you that I love you.
I miss so much about you Daddy. There are no words that can describe how much I miss you. My heart aches. I know that you are not in pain and that you are in a better place but that does not make the pain any less. That does not make me miss you any less.
Daddy, please know that I will never stop loving you and I will miss you forever.....and always, I love you Daddy!

A very difficult past 2 weeks

This will be one of the most difficult post that I will ever write. The first man that ever loved me died Sunday morning around 7:30am. I along with my brothers and my husband was with him when he passed away. I am so thankful that he didn't suffer. That being said I must say that I miss my Daddy. I never thought that I would lose him first. I know that I miss him so much that I can hardly catch my breath. I don't know who I will call when I have the questions that only a father can answer.
I have asked my Daddy a million questions (maybe more) in the 45 years that I had him with me. I just don't know what is going to happen at this time and point in my life. I have Momma to take care of. She is sad...very sad and I don't know if the ALZ is going to trigger something or not. She was so said at the funeral and then she spoke at the end of the grave side service and told how much she loved Daddy and how much Daddy loved her. Her memory faded and she forget what she was talking back but she Thanked God for him and all the time that they had together.
I hope that everyone is doing well and as always...take care and Peace, love and happiness....

Can you believe Snow is South GA.?

Yes, we had snow here Friday night and it was so beautiful. Okay, I will admit that we did not get but 2 inches and it lasted over night but I was so happy to see it. I was so amazing. Me and David had dinner reservations with friends and we went. It was so different (that is the only word that I can thnk of) to drive in snow. It was just so nice to see it snow again.
Daddy did not have the seed implants done. He has been so sick lately. In and out of the hospital with the flu. David has been sick and we have been at the doctors' office every week for the past 2 months and he was there today and will have more test done next week. Today is his birthday...and he was at the doctors' office.
Momma is momma. Good day and bad days. I do have a question? When they are going into different stages does their emotions seem to change for the better or the worse. The past few weeks she seems like she is just happier, and she does not seem as depressed as much. Or that is the way that I see her. We have been spending alot of time together. I took her out to dinner the other night and we had to so much fun. Daddy bought her a new car ...a Lexus..so I drove her car. She wanted catfish so we went to a seafood resturant and she eat fish.
I hope that everyone is doing well and staying warm. We have been having alot of rain lately and then the rain turned into snow Friday afternoon. Imagine that ...in South GA. Take care and as always...peace, love and happiness!!!!!