HAPPY

I wanted to wish all of my blog friends a safe and Happy New Year.

The grandbabies

My son, his wife, and the grandbabies come in Christmas Eve day. The grand children opened their gifts with alot of excitement. The youngest of the two is 18 months old and he loved his tricycle. I think that he really enjoyed all of his toys. Our oldest grand daughter...enjoyed her gifts too. She played with N. on the his tricycle. Those two were just too funny. I miss the days when my boys were small but I do love and enjoy my grandchildren. I am so thankful that they did get to come in for the holidays. We are in hopes that the youngest grandchild will be in this weekend so that we are celebrate a belated Christmas with her....

The puppies and the Christmas tree

It took me 3 days to put and decorate. Lil Bit thinks that she is a Christmas present and that she is suppose to stay under the tree all the time. I will go to missing her and she will be under the tree looking at me with her sad little eyes. Gabby loves it too. Gabby thinks the branches are something that she suppose to play with...hehehehe And I have ask myself...why did I put this tree up? For the babies. If I can keep it up for them to see, then I will have accomplished something.. I can take it got a few more days I guess. Maybe next year they will not mess with the tree when I put it up. Or should I say, I hope!!!!!

I have decided that I am going to get in the spirit of Christmas. If no one comes, then that is something that they will come to regret later. In case that I'm not back online before the holidays, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

now what

The tree is up, the gifts are bought and wrapped and the stocking are up and we are putting stocking stuffers in them everyday. Now What? My mind is blank...nothing in there but worry and aggravation. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired....As I sit and look at the stocking on the fireplace as the glitter sparkles against the lights on the mantle I'm reminded of Christmases past. Some good , some not so good. And I try not to think about them but memories have a way of creaping into your mind and these memories will not go away today. I do not like days like today. I would rather just sleep though them. Unfortately, I was up at 5 am this morning with so much on my mind....what to do now?

?

I still have not put up the Christmas tree. I have not wrapped any gifts. I don't know what is going to happen for Christmas. Who is coming in or not? But I have decorated the mantel and hung the stocking. I have checked the lights to make sure that they are all working. I bought new ornaments (plastic) because of the puppies. So all I have to do is get the tree up. I have a friend that is coming to stay with us for a few days before the holidays so I hope that having two small ones around might get me in the mood. I am cooking for a few friends that are having get-togethers with their families. I hope that when I finish with the tree that I will get in the mood and get everything done and be ready for the holidays. I have hope and faith that everything will get better. For my online friends, I pray for peace and happiness to all during this joyous season. Take care...

i should have stayed in bed today

I think that I should have stayed in bed today instead of going out of town. I went to meet with my youngest son and his wife and the grandchildren.When we finally seen them the baby was crying and the Haley did not even speak to us. I have no idea what is going on. They say that kids feed off of the attitude of the parents. Well, I should have stayed home. My son got mad and walked off, leaving me and DH in the mall. He nor his wife or the kids said bye. They just walked away. So I drove home in the rain and cried all the way back. So, now I have no idea what is going to happen for the holidays, if they are coming in or not? I just don't know what to do...sorry for venting, but thanks for listening.

Droopy and the Vet's office

Yesterday I had to take Droopy to the vet's office. He had a seizure Thursday night and it scared me to tears. Droopy got over by the couch and layed down and the seizure happened. This had happened in October and we thougth that he was stung by a bee so we give him so Bendryl. I didn't know what else to do but that. So, I give him Bendryl again. This seizure lasted about 10 minutes. When I got to the vet's office, I was given medicine and told to count how many days that it was between each seizure. 56 days...so in 52 I am to start him on anti-seizure meds and hopefully this will stop a seizure from happening. The vet also told me that there is a chance that Droopy will have a seizure and not come out of it. Oh yes, the tears started flowing then. I know that Droopy is a dog, but all dog lovers know as I do, that your dog is like your best friend ...like your baby child that ...never give you a minute worth of worry...just feed him, bath him, take him to the vet and get his shots, take him on walks with you and love him. Droppy goes with me practically everywhere...when I leave in the mornings going to Mama and Daddy's he is sitting next to me on the console of the truck. He sits with me while I read the newspaper at the kitchen table (he usually falls asleep at my feet), and I never have a moment to myself. He lays on the rug in the bathroom while I shower. That is devotation from a pet. My closest friends will tell you that he is my "love bucket". To me, Droopy is like my child. When I have a bad day, Droopy is there to lick the tears away. When I worked, Droopy was the one that greeted me at the back door everyday. So I can say, Droopy is more than a pet, he is my "love bucket."

Andrew and the movie "The Polar Express"

I spent the day yesterday with a friend and her children. I strung lights on her Christmas tree and the kids could not sit still. They wanted to help so I had them to stand and look at the tree and tell me when I needed more lights... so later yesterday afternoon, me and David were invited to go and have dinner at the home of some friends. We decided that we would go and enjoy a afternoon with some friends. As the guys where outside grilling and putting up Christmas lights on the eve of the house, me and Pam were in the house feeding the kids. After they finished eating, Pam turned on the movie, "The Polar Express". Me and Andrew were on the couch and he just excited about the "magic train". Andrew then continue to tell me about a helicopter that he has seen in the county next to us that has been placed at a Memorial for the people that has served in the military. Andrew was telling me that he was going to get him a helicopter when he grows up and that he is going to jump out of it. And that he is going to take for a ride in his helicopter. And that we are both are going to jump out of the helicopter together. I told Andrew that I was not jumping out of the helicopter, that I would stay in the helicopter. And he laughed. After this conversation, Andrew told me to come in the living room and watch the "tv with me." So, we were watching the ending of the movie and Andrew was so excited about seeing the reindeers and the He was so excited when he seen Santa fly away with the help of the reideers. He was just so excited. I think this is what the season is about. The birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior and the excitement of small children. And Andrew is excited about the season. And my heart is full again...seeing this small child and the excitement of the season.....

Lil Bit and the mud puddle

Lili Bit is the short legged white puppy that I have. I believe that she has a tracking device that takes her straight from the back door to the mud puddle in the back yard. And tonight was no exception. She come in the house and ran straight to me. When she comes in the house she thinks that the first place she is suppose to run to is my arms. And tonight she was not taking no for an answer. Lil Bit decided that being I would not pick her up then she would jump on the love seat next to me, putting her muddy paws all over me. Yea, I had to shower again so I give her a bath in the kitchen sink and then I got back in the shower to get mud off of my arms. But would I give her up because of muddy paws....NO!!!!!! She is my lil' gitty monster and I love her!!!!!! She is such a wonderful puppy, mud and all!!!!!!!!

Missing loved ones especially this time of year

I miss so many people this time of year....
Papa Bill S.- he is the official taste tester of the dressing and most of the other food for family dinners...
Aunt Athell-my cooking buddy..we cooked everything for goodie baskets for friends and others that done the smalll things during the year for us..the pharmists, the vets office, the visiting nurses
My little Granny-I miss our Thursday dinners at 5 pm and the time that we shared...this was done every Thursday no matter if one was sick or not...for 5 years...I miss our Thursday's Lil' Granny. I miss you telling me that David loves you more than he loves me...I miss the smell of your hair..i miss so much about you...but I DO NOT MISS THE CANE WACKING MY SHIN.
Granny Floyd-I miss hearing your say...let them have the damn peppermint...it is not candy ..it is medicine...lol...she always said "peppermint is good for the throat and sinuses. I miss the peppermint...it is not the same without you here
Aunt Ollie Mae-the family cake decorator..she was the one that thought me how to make a flower out of buttercream. Teh violets, daisies, roses, cala lillies...any flower you can think of she thought me to make it...
Granny Brenice S.-I miss hearing you call David "darling". He was your world. You then had Bryan and Dalen and there was nothing like those 3 guys in your life.
Uncle James-I miss the conversations that we had. Everyday like clock work you called me at 7pm and we would talk for hours...the best conversation....fiberglass shovels...I pray that I never forget that conversation.
My Papa Floyd--I was young when you passed but I do remember Sunday's after Church you would pick all the kids up and you would take us to the store and we got out own bag of candy (tootsie rolls, waxed turtles, and a bottled Coke) and then we went to the part. I remember running down the drive to ride back home with you when you got off of work. I love you and miss you.
And Ricky...my dear brother...I put you last because I have to much to say about you..I miss our vacations...to the Great Smokey Mountains as children, then young adults and then as adults with our children. I miss us leaving work and going to Daytona Beach Fla. just to go. I miss cooking with you..grilling hamburgers and hot dogs at Mama and Daddy's..I miss watching wrestling at my house on Pay-per-view and both of us knowing okay "if it happened that way someone would not be walking". I miss fishing with you for trout in the moutains. I miss tubbing down the moutain with you. I miss fussing with you...about nothing...I miss seeing you at the red light in town at Burger King...(this is where he would yell me at me everyday..."HEY BABY SISTER") I still smell the roses...Thank you for that... Yea I miss that....I miss you....
I miss all of these people that have molded my life in one form or another. I miss hearing your voice...calling and talking...calling and crying on your shoulder...calling and asking for advice (even though I might not heed it at the time...I do now) I miss sharing the grandbabies with you...(Papa Bill and Granny Brenice..you would have loved Haley, Noah and Skylar.) I wish that you were here with me but you are all in a better place and it is wonderful to know that I have so many peeople looking down from Heaven on me... I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Laughter

Today, as I walked into the back door at Mama's she was sitting at the kitchen table, laughing. Why I not a clue. She ask my "why in the world was I walking around with open toes sandels and a short sleeve shirt and no jacket on"? I told her I didn't know that it was cool outside. She went to laughing and told me "I guess that you will not go outside without your jacket on, huh"? I agreed with her. Daddy has a fireplace with a insert and blower on it so I had no idea that it was that cold outside. We do not get the weather that we are having this time of year until usually around February. We are usually wearing shorts this time of year but it was 37 degrees this morning and I think that it might have gotten to the upper 50's this afternoon. It was nice to be outside and smell the fireplaces burning the fresh oak wood. Makes me think of the winter vacation in the Smokey Mountains. Have a good weekend.....

Thanksgiving Day

Today is Thanksgiving and I wanted to share a few things that I am thankful for......
My parents...
My hubby...
My sons...
My grandchildren (Haley, Noah and Skylar and I have another one on the way)
My online family (you keep me sane)
My friends (FUN TIMES ...FUN TIMES)
My dogs (Dixie, DroopyD.,Lulu, Gabby, Ella, and Lil Bit aka Lil Gitty) who makes me happy to be home and appreciate the small things in life....
I thank you all for all that you do for me and for your love, patience and guidance when the way the path seems dark and lonely....
I love you all....
Happy Thanksgiving Day....

What to do?

We made it home last night. It was a long ride for Mama and understandly she was in pain. So I called her primary care physican and he told what needed to be done. Thanks for all the prayers. I have a delima that I would don't know what to do about? I really don't want to delete my blogsite but at this point I think that might be my only option. There is this "person" that lives in the same area that I live and she has decided that she "needs" to come to my blog and find out what is going on in my family. And trust me folks, she is the type of person that you could move half way around the world and she would still find a way to make your life a "living hell." I am dealing with Mama and her illness and I do not and will not deal with "this persons antics". I found out today "by means of a phone call" that she has been coming to my blogsite. I don't post on the AD site anymore because of JB and now I have to deal with "this person" on here. You can't win for losing....so my question is ...do I just delete the blogsite or come on here and not post what is going? Any input would be appreciated.....

What to do?

hoping to go home today

I spoke with Mama's nurse this morning and she told us that Mama is scheduled to have a stress test done and then she is going to get to go home. YAY!!!!!!!!!! So, that is the plan right now. Please continue to keep her in your prayers so that this procedure will go great and that she will get be home for the Thanksgiving...Have a good day.....And thanks again everyone for the thougths and prayers...

update from surgery

"Mama done great" is what the doctor said. He is going to do a nuclear stress test in the morning to make sure that everything is okay. And he stated that we should be goinhg home tomorrow afternoon. Thanks everyone for the prayers..I appreciate my friends on here. You will never know what you mean to me....

in surgery...

They came and got her around 2 pm for surgery. We were told that it would take about 2 hours to complete...so I'm in the Heart Center..sitting and waiting...I have so many things on my mind at this time...to many write at this time but I will post when the surgery is over and update everyone. Thank you to everyone that is praying for my Mama. I really don't know what I would do with my extended family on the web. You all mean so much to me..

The doctor just came and told us that he would not be doing the surgery today. That it would be 9 or 10 pm before he would be able to get to her and that he would not have the support staff that he would need or that she would need during the night so he is putting her on the schedule for priority Monday morning. Now, what to do? Drive the 2 hours home and stay the day tomorrow at home getting a few things done or just staying here? I don't want to leave her or Daddy, so I guess that I will be staying....have a good weekend .....

Update on Mama (in Jacksonville Fla)

We are in Jacksonville Fla at this time. We arrived here last night with Mama. Mama was transported via ambulance. (by what I can understand all the conversation was ---was about me and cooking...LOL) But the EMT's said that she had a really good trip. We were told a few mintues ago that the doctors are going to put in a pace maker this afternoon. We were told last night that it might be Monday but they are doing it today. Hopefully we will be home tomorrow or Sunday. I will post after she is out of surgery if the computers are up in the waiting room. I hope that everyone has a good weekend.

a new update

Today I talked with the doctor again today and was told that the doctor had decided to transfer Mama from the hospital where she is at to the hospital in Jacksonville Fla. The Ortho doctor decided that he is not going to cast Mama's leg because it has been 3 weeks since the fracture (we had taken her to the same hospital when she fell and the leg was X-rayed but nothing was done.) The ortho said that after the pace maker is put in then he will check the leg again and go from there. Then when I got home this afternoon, there was a message that Mama is going to released from the hospital and that we are going to take her to see the doctor about her heart. Yea, I know it is confusing. Today has been the first day in a long time that we "had a conversation". She was alert and knew what was going on. She was going to go to the NH and listen to someone that was singing over there today and she told the girl that come to talk to her, "that she was not going to go to the NH to stay, just to listen to them sing." Then she told them that she wanted to go and get her hair done, right before lunch someone from the NH came and get her to go and get her hair cut. I talked with her a few minutes ago and she said that she had a good day but that she was really really tired. I want to thank everyone for the prayers and thoughts. I will try to post more later. Have a good day....

update on Mama

I got to talk to the doctor today and now we are waiting on the Orthopedic surgeron to come and see Mama. Mama has fractured her lower leg so her they are thinking that she might have to get a cast on the leg. And then they are going to set up an appointment with the Cardiologist to see if what the he wants to do. The doctor said unless something changes then she will be discharged home and then we will take her to see the Cardiologist. So that is the plan for the moment. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Have a good week...

Mama in hospital again

Mama is back in the hospital. She was not feeling well Thursday so finally Thursday afternoon I convinced her into going to the hospital. When we got there the ER doctor decided that she needed to be in the hospital. She was none too happy but agreed to go in. I talked to her Doctor on Friday and was told that she needed to go and see the Cardiologist in Jacksonville Fla. And that she may need a pace-maker but that would be a decision that her cardiologist would make. So, the doctor's office will make the appointment and we will go from there. I am sorry that I have not posted but I have been in and out going to the hospital and yesterday I had a migraine all day and night. I will keep everyone posted on how things are going....Have a great week.

Pics of pups..thank you stef

Here at the pictures of the puppies. As you can see they are grown and they are very rotten and spoiled. Thank you Stef for posting these for me....I would be lost without you...I hope everyone likes the pictures....

:)

look at puppies ------------------------------------------------------->


(thanks to ME - mwahahaha)

pictures of puppies

It has been awhile since I have posted pictures of the puppies online. I have about 300 to 400 that I am currently looking through so that I can get some posted or get Stef to help me post them...lol. What would I do without Stef...I would be lost. I hope to get some pictures posted soon....have a good week....

November is here

Okay, November is here...it does not seem like it should be November...where has the year gone? Just wanted to post and say hey. Mama went to T's birthday party this afternoon and called me when she got home and it was like talking with a child...sad but sweet..she was excited about having ice cream cake today...and having so much fun at his Nennie's house....it was a great day for her and I'm so thankful she had a good time....

painting and the Jolly Green Giant

Yea, I painted Saturday..all day. I have muscles that are hurting that I didn't even know that I had. My calf muscles feel like they weigh 10,000 pounds. My arms are hurting so bad that I can hardly stand it. Thank God that I use only my fingers on this keyboard. We are remodeling Mama and Daddy's house in town. They are letting me pick everything out. This will be mine home when they are gone. So, they both want me to have it the way that I want it...so we have been working hard at this. My nephews have come from out of town to help and we had a blast yesterday. My oldest sisters', oldest and middle son told me that I looked like I got in a fight with the Jolly Green Giant and that I won....yea I had hunter green paint on me..okay all over me....some from paint dropping on me to yea, M. playing with the paint brush. He decided that I needed to have some more paint on me....All and all, we had a great time...being around each other and just having fun. Mama come in the yard and was acting "supervisor" and R. was "project forum" as he put it...And Mama just laughed at all us. Yesterday was just as good for her as it was for us....paint and all....

new blog look

The new blog look is courtesy of Stef. And I love it. Thanks Stef for doing this for me....folks i'm not computer savey so without Stef this blog would be sad...lol...Once again, thanks..
Gale

just to vent ...i guess

Okay I knew that there were some folks in this world that acts just stupid. Really ignorant..I was reminded of this today when someone decided that he would try to talk to me like I was stupid. That didn't go over at all with me...so I decided that I would hand it back to him and I did. I have come to the conclusion that we really don't know people ...we only know what people allow us to know. I have the policy to be honest with people when they ask something about me. I have no reasons to lie to other people about me. And this person took it upon himself to post things about me that are not true...like i take certain medications for certain things. I don't take any medications that are not prescribed to me by my physician. But anyhoo, this person thinks that he can make slanderous comments about me...and I guess that he can but I hope that he realizes that he is playing in a different ballgame now. But I don't think that he does...like I said some people are just stupid.....

There are several things that I wish that I could do:
Sail a sailboat
Crochet
change the oil in my vehicle
change the spark plugs...lol
know how to get to the rivers that I fished as a child with my parents
be silly with the great neices and nephews
be even sillier with the grand-babies
take some things with a grain a salt....especially what people say...
see a movie more often
love more, laugh often....

Still no apology

Okay he come in today and told me that he would never do anything to hurt to me but he still has not apologized for his actions Monday. He did on the other hand ask me if I would take his Mustang to town and fill it up with gas because I was going to the grocery store. I decided that "okay I would do something that might would make him think about how he treats...did he apologize or say thank you for taking his Mustang and filling it up...NO NO NO!!!!This is just unimaginable but I am not going to worry about it. I am going to my Mom's tomorrow and spend the day with her...I have been up and seen her but I have not spent what I call "quality time" with her. So that is what I plan on doing tomorrow. I hope that everyone had a great weekend.....and thanks guys for all your help.

Stress or need of chocolate

It is Thursday and I still have a headache....is it stress...or maybe I just need chocolate..who knows but this week has been too long. No we are still not talking but I did cook dinner and we sit at the dinner table together..No conversation... no nothing. I did ask him to tell the clerk (at his job) not to call me anymore. I am sick of her calling me and just gossiping. I have better things to do than talk about other people and their problems especially hers. I don't even answer the phone when she calls. Does she get the message that I don't want to talk to her...NO!!!!!!!! And that was the extent of our converstion. I still have nothing to say to him. I believe that I have the right to be upset still. Not mad, not angry, but upset. Maybe I'm wrong but I feel that I have the right to be upset with him until he apologizes to me what he said to me. I think that he needs to realize that he is the one that is suppose to take care of things in his home not my Daddy and not me. I have the responsibility of everything that goes in the home anyway. This man does not even mow his own lawn. And folks we have a huge lawn...4 + acres. I mow the lawn, weed eat, do it all. But he could not even come home and take care of battery in my vehicle. Maybe one hour of his time and he could not give me that.....sad huh? Oh well, live goes on.

okay...what is going on?

Today has been awful. My truck decided that I didn't need the battery anymore so it died. And that took me all morning to take care of. The person that I thought would help me told me that he was busy at work and that I could take care of it myself. Okay, the battery is dead..the truck will not crank...and that means that I can not go anywhere. So I walk 3 1/2 miles to get my my Mustang that he drives. An hour and 15 minutes walk. And when I start to leave when the car is parked the puppy wants to come home with me..then the tears start flowing. And I have cried all day. So Daddy comes to what I thought was my home with a battery for my truck and he gets it fixed. And I thought,"okay that is over with... the day will get better". Stupid me...the dear hubby gets home and tells me in not so many words that I'm a burden. A burden? Okay, now I'm thinking for 9 years I have been a burden? And you decide to tell me today...so when I tell him that I will move out tomrrow he goes to crying telling me that he don't want to leave. I had to break it off and tell him that I didn't have time for this drama I have enough going on in my life without this. I want to scream...LOUD!!!!! Then I realize that will only make my head hurt worse than it is hurting now.....does it ever stop....what is going on?

okay...what is going on?

5 years ago today

5 years ago today my middle brother Ricky committed suicide. Tragic ...yes. drepressing...yes..
Do I miss him...yes. Sometimes it is just so hard to breathe. I think of him often especially this time of year. We both love the fall. We loved going to Daytona Beach, Fla. for Biketoberfest. I have not been in 5 years. My nephew wants me to go with him this year and I just can't go. I was on vacation with my parents the weekend before Ricky took his life. We were in the moutains in North Carolina and Tennessee. It was so hard for me to go back to North Carolina after that happened. I took my son, nephew and one of their freinds skiing and it was extremely hard to go back but I had no choice..I had to go. I felt that it would be a form of therpy for me to go. I felt that I needed to go and cry where we played when we went up there as kids. Yes, every year for summer vacation that was where we were. So when I got to North Carolina I went to the river and sit and cried. It was freezing outside but I had to cry and talk to Ricky. I felt that he was sitting on the bank of the river with me, laughing and crying, talking about the old times. Even stranger tho...I was in the computer room Friday afternoon the 12th looking at pictures and I found an envelope with Ricky's name on it and inside was an letter. I looked at the pictures and then I pulled the letter out and it was Ricky's death certificate. Imagine that shock..2 days before he would be dead for 5 years and I find that. Needless to say, the past few days I have thougth about alot of things. Things about life...Did I cry? A river..I miss him so much. I miss him saying ..."cat". He had a way with that word. I just miss him...but I know one thing ...his love is like the wind..I can't see it but I can feel it.. So to you big brother...I miss you ..I love you...and I'm so proud to call you family.....I will hold your love in my memory until we meet again...

Today we sat and talked about the past. I was really surprised that she remembered the things that she did. Mama was asking me if I remembered when Daddy had to go and have a sleep study out of town. I told her , yes that I remember that and that we were going to go to a motel to spend the night and then when we got to the sleep study center they had us a bed. Well, it was like a twin bed and we both slept on the bed. She laughed because she said.."I don't remember us sleeping that night, we layed there and talked." And she was right. We had so much fun. We traveled to so many places together. We had alot of fun. Like she said..."the good ole days." These are memories that I will hold dear and near to my heart...forever..thanks Mama for all the good times.....I love you....

i wish

I wish that I could come on here and say what is in my heart, what is going on with me. But is it really necessary? NO. Everyone has problems so what makes mine so different or important? I guess that the only thing that I can honestly say is it feels like my heart is broken into a million pieces. And there are alot of reasons why. More than I want discuss or disclose. But it doesn't really matter...I guess this too will pass.

just thinking

I'm sitting here with Lulu next to me...she is just lying here next to me looking at the bedroom door. No reason for this blog..just to say hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

I'm sorry ...
for everything that I have been wrong...said wrong...
For not being there when you needed me.....
For not sharing my shoulder for you to cry on....
To lend an ear when you needed to scream....
To just be a friend when you needed a friend...
I'm sorry...I do love you no matter what

I got to talk to Nonna

I wanted to write a qiuck note and let everyone know that I had the honor and priviliage to talk with Stef's Nonna Sunday. Nonna has this beautiful voice with this wonderful Italian accent. When she said hey, my heart jumped for joy. She spoke Italian to me (I don't know it, but I loved hearing her talk). Stef, you have a wonderful and loving Nonna. Now my heart understands why you love her as you do. Thank you so much for allowing me this wonderful, precious moment that I will hold dear and near to my heart for the rest of my life.

wondering

I sit and wonder sometimes...how do you bear your soul? Or should you bear your soul? Does it take a lifetime to get over your childhood? All of your adulthood to get over the teenaged years? I envy a caterpillar...it didn't matter what had happened before to them...they always fly away..beautiful and untouched...

Mama in hospital

Mama was put in the hospital yesterday due to fluid around the heart and lungs. When we got to the doctors' office, she was told that she had to go in the hospital. She had told me that she was not going to go back in the hospital because she was afraid of the doctor placing her back in the nursing home. I told her that is not the case this time. She said that she did not want to go back in the nursing home ever ever again. And then she got teary eyed. I assured her that I would let her doctor know her concerns about the nursing home. Today she seemed okay. Last night was rough for her. Somehow she removed the IV from her hand and said that she bleed all over the sheets and her gown. She said that she did not sleep well at all. I called the hospital and told them to call me if she was having a restless night tonight. Hopefully she will have a restful night. Hopefully she will home in the next few days. I will keep everyone posted.
Gale

September 11th

I wanted to post on September 11th but I could not bring myself to do it. This day will be forever etched in my memory. My grandmother's birthday is September 11th. This day we did not celebrate...this was the first birthday that she was not here with us. She passed away in May. I nephew called me and told me to turn on the tv that there was planes flying into the World Trade Centers. I had the tv on but it was on mute. I had no idea what was going on. The only thing that I was worried about was getting my son from school (no I don't live in New York) but I wanted him home. I was worried about my father who was suppose to be on the road going to Fla. But this morning, he was home. And that I was so thankful for. I went to my Mama and Daddy's house stayed there just about all day. For the next few days, I stayed up day and night. I had a friend that was in New York. We got a call late the next day and was told that she was okay and was on the way back to Ga. So many people lost their lives that day and for what? Because someone believes that it was appointed to them to do this evil act. Do I want retalition against who done this..if and when we can get the mastermind behind the crime. But not at the expense of the lives of our men and women in the Armed services. I am thankful for the men and women of our Armed Services for protecting our freedoms.

just thoughts

I guess that I just need to muse some...have you ever felt like you are all alone on this world? Even tho you have family and friends, you are still alone? That is how I feel. My best friend does not even know what time of the day it is, not to mention that she does not even know what day it is. I feel the only person that loves me is my dog Droopy. It is sad I know. Droopy loves me uncontidionally. I can spank him for running over a puppy because he thinks that he is just playing but he ends up rolling the puppy, making her whin. But Droopy still loves me just the same. He sleeps at my feet at night..he lays next to me on the couch when I'm on the laptop. He lays in the entry way of the kitchen when I'm cooking. And it is sad to say...he lays in the bathroom on the rug at the shower when I' in the shower. Do I ever get a minute alone? Not often with Droppy and the other 7 puppies around. Does it get on my nerves? Sometimes and then I realize that I'm all that Droopy has. He is my nerd. He is my big love. And he is jealous of all the babies. I can sit in the floor and call the puppies and tell they to come and love mama and he run up and put his paws on my shoulders making sure that the puppies do not love on me. I know that some people would think this is silly but to pet owners there is nothing like the love of a pet. When you have a bad day, they are there to make it cheerful. Like a rainbow after a summers rain.

the puppies are leaving

The puppies are leaving one by one...slowly. Zero left last Sunday the 2nd. She has a wonderful new home with Londa and Wesley and is currently traveling the US. And is loving it...Londa reports. I have two that is leaving tomorrow. I had one mother to report that she had to go to Wal-Mart when her son was told he was getting a puppy because he could not go to sleep until he got his puppy food, bowls, puppy pads and toys. The other is going to a little girl and boy and they are excited as well. I will 5 that will be here but 2 of them are leaving next week. I am keeping one and then I will have 2 that I will have to find homes for. But I'm not going to complain..I have grown to love these little furbabies. Am I sad...sorta....but I know that these little babies are going to great homes and the plus is that they are close to me and I can see them whenever I want to...YAY! I get to see Zero in 2 weeks...I am going to Londa and Wesley's to a welcome home party for her son. I hope that everyone has a great weekend....

feeling somewhat better

Today is Friday and I can say that I do feel somewhat better...the stomach is still a mess. The hubby has been home with me today so therefore I don't have to deal with the puppies too much. But they are coming up to the couch wanting me to pick them up and love them. Everyday when they are done eating, I pick each one up and love them and talk to them...I will miss them but they are going to good homes with great new mama's and daddy's and little boys and girls to love them..and I'm ready for quiet in my house again. Feeding 8 puppies is not easy with 3 other dogs. I am planning on keeping one puppy. I hope that everyone has a great Labor Day weekend....stay safe when on the road even if you are not traveling....

is it thursday?

Is today Thursday? I slept Wednesday away and didn't get up until nearly lunch todau. I have been sick for two days and out of the loop....and the puppies are just getting into everything. But that is the way that it is...when you are sick and can't hold your head up, everything gets on your last nerve. Mama called and wanted to know if I was feeling any better...I tried to sound cheerful for her...And she told "to go to the doctor"...I told her I was tomorrow. I think that I just have a virus....but I'm ready for it to go away...I hope that everyone has a safe and a great Labor Day Weekend.
Gale

looking at picutes

I get to Mama's today and I bring the laptop so that I can show her some pictures of the autronuts working on Endevor..she is just in awe of how this is done. A million questions follow and she wants to know how everything is done, how they got up there, how do they use tools in space, how they take pictures in space...the list goes on and on. And I have no clue how this is done. She looked at pictures on the photobucket site. And laughed when she seen the puppies. And Noah running through the water. Noah my little water bug. Mama gets ready to eat lunch at 11am and then at 1145am she is ready for a nap. She looks so lost and sad. Her eyes look hollow. She is repeating herself a lot today, more than usual. So I sit and talk with her and tell her that everything is going to be okay. I get her to take her meds. and then she is goes to take a nap. My wish is that this disease would leave just like it came. I hate that she does not know what is going on. She is so confused and has forgotten so many words. Just this disease......

Saying hello

It has been a while since I have been on and posted. I have told myself everyday that I needed to update and let everyone know what is going on...Mama seems to having a good day. The puppies are growing like watered weeds in the flower garden. They are everywhere. Running around the house and getting into everything. Chewing on everything in their site. They are now 5 weeks old. I am going to miss them when they are gone...but they are going to good homes. And Lulu has an appointment with the vet for surgery. No more puppies. I hope that everyone is having a good day. Later.........

Been a while

It is been awhile since I have been on and I am staying so busy. Between doctors' appointments and the new 8 puppies in my life...I would say ...yea I'm too busy. Anyhoo, the puppies are 3 weeks old and starting to eat Weaning Food and loving it. They have teeth like sharp needles and they like to bite on toes or each other whatever is close. They like to chew on each others ears. And then they want to fight with each other....puppies....

Another subject?

You tell me today that you are ready to go home.
And I know what you mean by that.
I know that you are talking about dying.
You said that you are tired.
You are tired of being confused, sad, mad, upset.
You tell me that you wish that you could talk to your mama.
That she would explain this disease to you.
That you just wanted answers to what is going on with you.
I try to explain to you....being honest about this disease...
And then you are off to another subject....

Hope

Hope is something that I hold onto for dear life even when the tears feel like fire rolling down my face.
One day you are having a good day, you are up and doing what has to be done, not thinking about this is disease and then, "bam" something hits you from behind without warning or provocation.
You don't know what else to do but cry.
I still hold on to Hope.
Someone has taken the wind out of my sails and has left me out in an open sea, to drift aimlessly to nowhere.
I hold onto Hope.
I refuse to give up.
Why? I ask?
Why hold onto to Hope? Why?
Then the voice of reasoning answers---telling me, Hope is all you have.

Like a Thief in the Night

You come and took her memory awayHer thoughts...Life a Thief in the Night.
You didn't care that has a husband, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren to share her brilliant mind with, you just took it.
Like a Thief in the night.
Now she sits and tries to have a conversation --getting lost in the middle of it and then just gives up.
She sits and stares blankly as if she is lost in a maze, not knowing her next turn.
Frozen in time.
Just sitting there with a blank look on her face with nothing to say.
You have given her that ability..but then I don't want to give you credit for nothing...
You are a Thief in the Night
You have taken her ability to know who her family and friends are.
You have made her suspicious of everyone that comes into her home.
You have taken so much.
You have taken her ability to argue with me.
You took that like a Thief in the Night.
I want to be mad.
I want to scream.
And then I realize I really don't want to be mad or scream...I just want a cure to be found.
So that you, this dreaded, awful disease can no longer be a Thief in the Night.

Things I Miss Doing with You

As I sit here thinking I remember so many good times that we have shared. Some as simple as sitting at the kitchen table talking. And us going on vacation together and having so much fun. I miss so much about you. I miss you telling me the hopes and dreams that you have for your great grandchildren, the trips that you wish you would have taken (which are few..you have traveled everywhere) and just the few little secrets that we have shared in our lifetime. So I decided to make a list of the things that I miss:
I miss you as a whole person.
I miss your great mind.
I miss your problem solving skills.
I miss your delicious homemade biscuits from scratch.
I miss your made from scratch pies and cakes.
I miss our last minute roadtrips. (remember the one to Savannah with Ms. Nell, that was a great trip).
I miss out shopping days when you knew what you needed and wanted to buy for the house.
I miss us both standing in the kitchen together cooking a big meal.
I miss you helping me when I got "stuck" trying to finish a sewing project. (the chair cussions for my kitchen table chairs..that was fun).
I miss the family vacations where you planned each and every meal but never the activities for the day.
I miss dirt dugging with you in Tennessee. (fun times)
I miss deep sea fishing with you.
I miss taking trips to the Great Smokey Mountains with you and Daddy and the grandchildren.
I miss you fussing at me about nothing at all.

There are a million things that I miss about you.
But the one thing that I don't miss is seeing your smile, feeling the touch of your hand and you telling me that everything is going to be okay.
I love you Mama.

bittersweet moment

Yesterday was Fathers' Day. Daddy was in the yard, watching as the vehicles were being washed and waxed. And you, my dear Mama, was in the house watching out of the glass doors and laughing. You were laughing because N, your great grandson was running through the water that was on the ground. He would run through the water and laugh. Then you would laugh. Alzheimers' is an awful and strange disease. I have noticed in the last few days that you seem to regressing more and more. Your mind is going backwards. You think that you great grandchild are your grandchildren. You think that N, is your grandson B. I try to explain to you that N is your great grandson and then you look at me as if you are in a fog, a daze. So I decide that we will try to have this conversation at a later day. You tell everyone that you are ready to eat. The food is coming off of the grill and you tell me that you want a hamburger but you really want a hot dog. You are shaking so bad from the Parkinsons' that you can barely hold your hot dog so I cut it up for you so that you can use a fork to eat it with. You look at N. as he is eating his potato salad and he moans at you. And you moan back. There is 69 years between the two of you. He laughs at you and you laugh at him. This goes on the entire time tha twe are eating dinner. When you two finish eating, N. gets down and got to you and grabs you by the leg and loves you. It is a bittersweet moment to see this between grandmother and great grandson. And I realize that I am blessed to have shared such a moment with you and him.

a wonderful day for mama

It seems like today was one of the days that I would like to see everyday. Mama laughed today. Mama smiled today. Mama had the look of love in her eye when she looked at her children and grandchildren today. She seemed happy in her heart. She had happiness in her heart. She has love in her heart for her family and friends. This disease might have her mind but it does not have her memories. My mom is a wonderful person even now when this awful disease. There are things that I miss about my Mama, alot of things. I miss the long conversations. Some conversations about nothing at all and some conversations about very important things. I miss you telling me that everything is going to be alright. Now I hold your hand and tell you that everything is going to be alright. I leaned on you and now you lean on me. There are so many days that I wish you would put your arms around me and tell me that everything is going to be okay like you did when I was young, but now I put my arms around you and tell you that everything is going to be okay. Mama I just want you know that I love you with all my heart and soul and that I will always be here for you no matter what the outcome. I will do whatever needs to be done for you. I love you Mama...you are heart and you made the woman that i am today and I thank you for that.